hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
