It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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