Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
