I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
