I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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