Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
