i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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