My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
