Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
