I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I need moral support for this bender
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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