I can't watch pbs sober anymore
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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