Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
