You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
