Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You are a genius and a whore.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
