its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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