I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
