U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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