I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
