You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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