TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
