Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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