I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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