He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
