Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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