In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
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