Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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