u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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