I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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