So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
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Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
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Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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