There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
