Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
