I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
