when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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