Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
