Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
and she was petting her beer can
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
