he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
