So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
My ass is underappreciated
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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