According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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