my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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