I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
