great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
