I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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