that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You can't motorboat a personality
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
