THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
