I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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