she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
