So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
