all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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