butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
