so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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