The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
