There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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