Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
