dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
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he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
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It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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