I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
