I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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