just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he fucked my hip out of place.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Randomize
