Can i not drive my cunt home
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
