I swear she didn't look like that last week.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
ok first of all what the fuck
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
