After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
