I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
