They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
