He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
