How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
