That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
