I wannas sexs uuuuu
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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