chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
