Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
