she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
