i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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